I know God will turn the ugliness of right now into something. That isn’t purpose; that’s making a meaningless situation into something meaningful. I can believe that we have made the right decisions related to jobs and moving and believe that it is what we are supposed to do and at the same time not believe that everything leading up to those decisions was guided by a greater purpose.
When my husband asked me a couple of months ago if I regretted our move to Texas, I had to think for a moment before I gave him an honest “no.” We had a good five years here, and the sixth year was rough for a pile of different reasons. But those good five years, and the good moments in that sixth year, just highlighted the many things, positive and negative, that we learned about our temporarily adopted state.
We needed to get away, but that getaway came at a lot of costs. We had two kids who were upset about lost time saying goodbye to friends. We were trying to negotiate a house purchase and sale while fighting with spotty service and wifi. I was trying to communicate with my new school and my husband was still doing his own work. My determination to support local state parks meant that we were often staying FAR away from the places that we wanted to visit, which meant a lot of driving. I had an idea of what I wanted to do with my family but no real plans, which meant a lot of time and miles were wasted along the way. And everything just kept breaking.
After six months in a fog after a year of pandemic living as we look forward to something both exciting and new, we need a vacation that focuses on the moment and not necessarily on what is coming next. Last January I didn’t know that was what I was going to need.
Suddenly we find ourselves with days to get our house ready to put on the market before we leave for vacation. We will have less than a week to finish the packing and move once we return from vacation. While our previous moves have involved months of planning and then a rush at the very end to get everything taken care of, this is all just happening in a rush. A rush that feels right, but a rush nonetheless.
More than ever before, this will continue to be my workshop space, a place where I can go to process the many life changes that are coming down the line. I have come to terms with the fact that learning to write for other audiences and spaces as I expand my writing experience and my portfolio means that writing that is solely for me will have to be less consistent. And that’s ok. That move will allow this to truly be the space for the “unexpected journey” as I turn my focus here to my life process and the travel our family does to help me through that process.