Now we have been married for nearly two years. Occasionally, I still feel like I don’t deserve his love or that I am unlovable, but Kevin wraps me in his arms and tells me how much I mean to him. I’ve left the US and now live in a farming community in Co. Roscommon. I never imagined this for my life. I never imagined being married, having a husband, having horses, having a new house, living in a new country. None of this was on my radar. I never expected this life changing happiness.
Valentine’s Day. When you are a child, Valentine’s Day is so simple. You check all of the names of your […]
This past spring, as I made plans for our summer vacation and waited to see how much time and money we would have left to have our own vacation, all the while struggling to find a location for just the two of us that we could both agree on, I finally had an epiphany: We were still allowed to have our own new experiences that didn’t involve our kids.
We’re re-learning how to have fun together and reminding each other that we are more than just Mom and Dad: we’re best friends, lovers, and life-long companions who still enjoy the things we did when we were 19-year-olds falling in love. The difference is now we have the ability to fund those activities without sentencing ourselves to Hamburger Helper for the next month.
Now I openly share because I want my daughter to understand just how much she was wanted and that while there are no guarantees in life, I will be there for her regardless of where motherhood takes her. I don’t forget that I was one of the lucky ones who finally had her prayers answered without extreme measures. Living in heartbreaking silence is a lonely, embarrassing space, but it shouldn’t have to be. It isn’t our status as mothers that gives us value as women; our very existence is valuable because we are children of God and as such, we have more to offer the world than expansion of the population. And while that is a difficult thing for the brokenhearted to accept, that is the message women need to hear.